An updated piece from Dr. Imani E. McElroy's article published on June 15, 2022
“I would take that part out of your presentation – you’re not as out as you think you are.”
This was advice from a close friend discussing a recent presentation when I talked about my different identities, most specifically, my queer identity. And while she was trying to protect me from potential backlash, the advice stung. Not because I felt she was unaccepting but because she was right about not being as out as I was trying to convince myself I was despite being about to talk about it at a national meeting. Being queer is a part of my identity as being Black. However, unlike my skin tone, being queer is something I hid for most of my life. Despite being generally reserved about my personal life, I was always purposefully vague when discussing past relationships. I mean, I am already a Black woman pursuing a career in the high-powered field of surgery. I didn’t want to give anyone any other reason to look at me differently. I didn’t want my “third strike.”
But the funny thing about being a doctor is you care for people in their most vulnerable states. They trust you to work in their best interest and be fully dedicated to showing up for them. But how do you show up for someone else when you aren’t showing up for yourself? How do you help disenfranchised patients and communities that medicine has turned its back on when you actively hide a part of you that can empathize with them? So, at that moment, I decided it was time to step fully into all my identities. It was exhilarating but also terrifying.
But most importantly, it was freeing. I felt like I could breathe for the first time in a long time. Anxiety wasn’t trapping my breath and sending panic through my body. And once the dust settled from the presentation, I found great peace knowing I had finally shown up in my truest form for nobody other than myself. For me, that is what Pride is about—creating space for ourselves and our differences and embracing and loving all parts of ourselves. Accepting those differences also makes us better physicians and better understand the patients we serve. Pride is about not just tolerating people who are different from us but celebrating and empowering them to show up in their most authentic whole selves.
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